Back to the beginning

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you are new here you may want to find out more about me or subscribe to posts via email or Subscribe in a reader (RSS).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A couple of days ago I wrote about how I want to think about being purposeful in my life. You can read about it here and here. I want to step back in time for a moment and write what should have been the first post in this series.

For many women, becoming a Mum is not just something that happened to them but is something they looked forward to and indeed, longed for. For as few as 9 months or as long as a lifetime they have looked forward to the day when they would hold their beautiful child in their arms. These dreams are full of possibility, lathered with hope, wonder and joy until finally, the day arrives. The first weeks or months are a beautiful blur, then things start to settle down, they get the hang of taking care of a baby and and life seems to be resuming some sense of normalcy.

For many this is when the thoughts of returning to work surface. Will I, won't I? When? How? Some of these issues are resolved easily and others with great angst, especially for those facing financial pressure. These questions, and their answers evoke a complex set of emotions a new mum may find herself unprepared for. For some its a sense of relief that gives way to guilt when they think about getting back into work while for others feelings of dread surface as they grieve the fact that their child will be looked after by someone other than themselves. Perhaps there are some for whom this is process is as straightforward as a business transaction. Let me know if you find one! For most of us there are endless options and emotions to manage.

The process I am going through at the moment, the whole idea of purpose and priority in life, is my feeble attempt to navigate these questions and emotions. When my girl was born I realised that much of which I had looked forward to, had arrived. I'm in my mid-late twenties, married to a wonderful man, mother to a beautiful girl and I am loving every, weary and joyful minute of it. The picture I had in my mind in my late teens of what my life would look like in my late twenties has been fulfilled; the puzzle is coming together and it's beautiful! Now I am thinking about how to fill in some of those gaps and I don't want them to be blank or grey, but full of colour..

There are so many expectations built up in the experience of being a mother, yet for many there is a wrestling about their own need for fulfilment beyond this role. As I find myself thinking about next year, what I want to do and what we need me to do it leads me to a whole set of new questions that can be summed up in two words what next? What kind of woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, colleague(?) do I want to be in my late thirties? Where do my gifts and strengths lie in order to live a life of purpose, with passion?

I'm on a mission for a vision, and that's what this is all about. As I go I will take these words from James with me, lest I start to think that the future is in my hands,

Boasting About Tomorrow - James 4:13-17
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins. (Italics mine)