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I promised that my next post would be more upbeat than the last two & I am pleased to be able to deliver!
Last night as the three of us were hanging out in the living room just before LP's bed time, the HH said to her "kisses for Mummy?" and immediately clambered all over the HH to get to me and proceeded to planted "MWA" kisses all over my face. It was the bestest bestest thing ever! Mwa-kiss, followed by mwa-kiss on and on and on. Just gorgeous!! Then we said Kisses for Daddy and the HH got the same and then she came back to me to give me more!!
ADORABLE...and exactly what I needed.
All day today we have been getting MWA-kisses....oh she's so wonderful!
btw a MWA kiss is a closed mouth kiss where she says "MWA" as she plants it on you!
MWA everyone!!
Saturday, 4 July 2009
Friday, 3 July 2009
My baby is amazing...but I feel so guilty.
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Last week I did a Leadership and Management Course at Bible College. It was truly amazing and I learnt some incredible stuff - can't wait to tell you all about it...another time. It did mean that my darling girl had to be cared for by different people each day, for a full 8.30-5.30 day, each day. She coped and in fact barely seemed to notice!
This week she spent her usual 3 hours with Grandma on Monday and then her usual Tuesday away from me. I was all lined up for 3 fab Mummy Days. Tues I awoke feeling really weak, strange...Wed, the same. I went to a girlfriends for lunch and a play date and as I watched my friend kindly make lunch I realised that I wouldn't have had the energy to do it, had I been the one hosting. I probably should have realised that not having the energy to do something simple like make a sandwhich isn't normal. I came home, started getting the girl ready for bed and felt totally wasted. About an hour later I was lying in bed shivering under 3 doonas, it took me all of 45minutes to have the energy to get up and come to the living room where it was warmer and even then I needed the HH to help me. I got to the couch and started crying, I just felt so sick.
Thurs am and I was due to collect good friends from the airport and spend the morning with them. I haven't seen them in over 6 months and they are only here for a few days; this was my only chance to see them. I convinced myself that I was OK and got up. I collapsed on the floor outside my room, again dissolving into tears.
The HH insisted I get back into bed and he began the search for a babysitter for LP. My gorgeous friend happily obliged. He texted my inbound friends to let them know I wasn't going to make it and I proceeded to sleep for 4 hours. Upon waking, I was off to the Dr with a temp of almost 39 degrees (101-102 farenheit), tonsillitis and a secondary infection. My dr. was very sympathetic which made me feel like I wasn't being completely melodramatic. Back home and back to sleep for another 4+ hours.
Today I have sent my baby girl off to be looked after again. This time by a nanny I have not met but whom looks after two friends babies each Friday which is exacerbating the guilt. She knows the other baby, and one of the Mum's - whom we know well, is in the house working. Every other day she has been with a good friend and/or their family - gosh we have been blessed to be able to organise that for so many days now...I just wish that I could be looking after her today. She didn't cry when she left the house with Dad this morning but she didn't look happy either, I could see that she was confused about why she wasn't going to be with me today and I am feeling so anxious and worried about what this is doing to her and whether it's going to make her feel less trusting of me, or less loved...
THIS SUCKS!!!
Ok, well that's my whinge. I am sure you're thrilled to have stopped by my blog today...Sorry guys, I'll try to have something more upbeat for you next time...
If you are new here you may want to find out more about me or subscribe to posts via email or RSS.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last week I did a Leadership and Management Course at Bible College. It was truly amazing and I learnt some incredible stuff - can't wait to tell you all about it...another time. It did mean that my darling girl had to be cared for by different people each day, for a full 8.30-5.30 day, each day. She coped and in fact barely seemed to notice!
This week she spent her usual 3 hours with Grandma on Monday and then her usual Tuesday away from me. I was all lined up for 3 fab Mummy Days. Tues I awoke feeling really weak, strange...Wed, the same. I went to a girlfriends for lunch and a play date and as I watched my friend kindly make lunch I realised that I wouldn't have had the energy to do it, had I been the one hosting. I probably should have realised that not having the energy to do something simple like make a sandwhich isn't normal. I came home, started getting the girl ready for bed and felt totally wasted. About an hour later I was lying in bed shivering under 3 doonas, it took me all of 45minutes to have the energy to get up and come to the living room where it was warmer and even then I needed the HH to help me. I got to the couch and started crying, I just felt so sick.
Thurs am and I was due to collect good friends from the airport and spend the morning with them. I haven't seen them in over 6 months and they are only here for a few days; this was my only chance to see them. I convinced myself that I was OK and got up. I collapsed on the floor outside my room, again dissolving into tears.
The HH insisted I get back into bed and he began the search for a babysitter for LP. My gorgeous friend happily obliged. He texted my inbound friends to let them know I wasn't going to make it and I proceeded to sleep for 4 hours. Upon waking, I was off to the Dr with a temp of almost 39 degrees (101-102 farenheit), tonsillitis and a secondary infection. My dr. was very sympathetic which made me feel like I wasn't being completely melodramatic. Back home and back to sleep for another 4+ hours.
Today I have sent my baby girl off to be looked after again. This time by a nanny I have not met but whom looks after two friends babies each Friday which is exacerbating the guilt. She knows the other baby, and one of the Mum's - whom we know well, is in the house working. Every other day she has been with a good friend and/or their family - gosh we have been blessed to be able to organise that for so many days now...I just wish that I could be looking after her today. She didn't cry when she left the house with Dad this morning but she didn't look happy either, I could see that she was confused about why she wasn't going to be with me today and I am feeling so anxious and worried about what this is doing to her and whether it's going to make her feel less trusting of me, or less loved...
THIS SUCKS!!!
Ok, well that's my whinge. I am sure you're thrilled to have stopped by my blog today...Sorry guys, I'll try to have something more upbeat for you next time...
Thursday, 11 June 2009
It's been a while
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Please forgive any typos or grammatical errors, the girl is stirring so no time for editing!
Hi friends, it's been a while I realise, but I just want to thank those of you who commented or emailed after my last post - I really appreciated your love, support and prayers. Last week was rotten.
I read a post by Carly last night and her words are far more eloquent than mine when she talks about trying to understand how God works through tragic and horrific circumstances. It's a beautiful post but she starts with a story of a family who were caught in the fires and, without wanting to deny the suffering of this family, if you are in an emotionally vulnerable state at the moment I suggest you skip the first part of the post and start in the fifth or sixth paragraph.
These words of hers probably best sum up how I have been feeling over the past little while, "I am trying to believe that God is love, its just so hard when there is so much hurt. My heart is damaged, damaged from all the pain that so many people in this world are enduring. I am not asking for anyone to assure me that God is real. I believe He is. You don't need to tell me that He loves me." Thanks Carly, I'm glad I'm not the only one.
And yet through it all God is faithful and there, nudging me along, reminding me of his love, faithfulness and presence in this world - love, faithfulness and presence that I have not just read about but experienced firsthand, and yet letting me rage, in my case, a bit like a kid having a tantrum.
I don't know if it's because of my line or work, my stage of life, or the extent of my "network" but I have been really confronted of late about the number of families who are being broken or down right destroyed due to disease, accident, tragedy. I've been challenged to ask "Why pray? What's the point?" It's been an overwhelming time which became too close to home last week.
I was struggling to understand how God works in times like this and then it just got way too personal.*
This was also during the final week of semester where I was getting up at 5.30am to get my final assessment submitted and my darling daughter seemed to have a radar that led to her waking up whenever I was trying to get the work done. It was VERY frustrating, sleep deprived, anguished week.**
THEN I went to a Skin Specialist to have my moles checked and was told that one needed to come off ASAP and another should come off too.
These last two things are relatively minor but on top of everything led to me feeling continually anxious and stressed, waking up with anxiety dreams. My husband has been truly AMAZING because quite frankly, I have been a bitch of a wife lately. Not that he would say so :)
But God IS at work, and this past week I have seen it again. I have been praying for a future and a hope (Jer 29:11) and God has given it. I will keep praying and more importantly, keep trusting that prayer does matter, humbled by His immense Grace and patience, in the face of my doubts, despair and demands.
Last night I prayed for Carly, Jaci and Sarah - three women I know only via blogland who are all facing various challenges at this time, whom I committed into the hands of God, marveling at how amazing it is to have been covered by many of your prayers of late, and to be doing the same for others through this thing called the internet. I awoke this morning to great encouragement at Jaci's most recent post. More encouragement, more grace and incredible wisdom, a further example of a gracious God at work in His world.
Perhaps none of this makes sense to you, perhaps it resonates closely - I don't know. I do know that wherever you are today and whatever you are doing, there is a God, a maker who created and sustains the world, despite the many many ways we are destroying it, who loves you, personally and deeply, who can be known and made himself known in Jesus Christ, and who would love you to say Hello and help you get through the day.
God Bless
*The HH, LP and myself are all fine and, as far as we know, in good health. I don't feel that it's appropriate for me to share the details of this situation here, at least not yet, I know you understand - we choose to blog, not our families and sometimes that boundary needs to be respected.
**Amazing but I received a distinction, which I don't say to boast but because it was an encouragement to me that not only did I learn a HUGE amount through this course both academically and in terms of my own personal, spiritual growth but this learning is based on a "theology" and "exegesis (understanding of the Bible from it's original translation and applying it to our context today)" that makes sense. Who would have thought?!
If you are new here you may want to find out more about me or subscribe to posts via email or RSS.
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Please forgive any typos or grammatical errors, the girl is stirring so no time for editing!
Hi friends, it's been a while I realise, but I just want to thank those of you who commented or emailed after my last post - I really appreciated your love, support and prayers. Last week was rotten.
I read a post by Carly last night and her words are far more eloquent than mine when she talks about trying to understand how God works through tragic and horrific circumstances. It's a beautiful post but she starts with a story of a family who were caught in the fires and, without wanting to deny the suffering of this family, if you are in an emotionally vulnerable state at the moment I suggest you skip the first part of the post and start in the fifth or sixth paragraph.
These words of hers probably best sum up how I have been feeling over the past little while, "I am trying to believe that God is love, its just so hard when there is so much hurt. My heart is damaged, damaged from all the pain that so many people in this world are enduring. I am not asking for anyone to assure me that God is real. I believe He is. You don't need to tell me that He loves me." Thanks Carly, I'm glad I'm not the only one.
And yet through it all God is faithful and there, nudging me along, reminding me of his love, faithfulness and presence in this world - love, faithfulness and presence that I have not just read about but experienced firsthand, and yet letting me rage, in my case, a bit like a kid having a tantrum.
I don't know if it's because of my line or work, my stage of life, or the extent of my "network" but I have been really confronted of late about the number of families who are being broken or down right destroyed due to disease, accident, tragedy. I've been challenged to ask "Why pray? What's the point?" It's been an overwhelming time which became too close to home last week.
I was struggling to understand how God works in times like this and then it just got way too personal.*
This was also during the final week of semester where I was getting up at 5.30am to get my final assessment submitted and my darling daughter seemed to have a radar that led to her waking up whenever I was trying to get the work done. It was VERY frustrating, sleep deprived, anguished week.**
THEN I went to a Skin Specialist to have my moles checked and was told that one needed to come off ASAP and another should come off too.
These last two things are relatively minor but on top of everything led to me feeling continually anxious and stressed, waking up with anxiety dreams. My husband has been truly AMAZING because quite frankly, I have been a bitch of a wife lately. Not that he would say so :)
But God IS at work, and this past week I have seen it again. I have been praying for a future and a hope (Jer 29:11) and God has given it. I will keep praying and more importantly, keep trusting that prayer does matter, humbled by His immense Grace and patience, in the face of my doubts, despair and demands.
Last night I prayed for Carly, Jaci and Sarah - three women I know only via blogland who are all facing various challenges at this time, whom I committed into the hands of God, marveling at how amazing it is to have been covered by many of your prayers of late, and to be doing the same for others through this thing called the internet. I awoke this morning to great encouragement at Jaci's most recent post. More encouragement, more grace and incredible wisdom, a further example of a gracious God at work in His world.
Perhaps none of this makes sense to you, perhaps it resonates closely - I don't know. I do know that wherever you are today and whatever you are doing, there is a God, a maker who created and sustains the world, despite the many many ways we are destroying it, who loves you, personally and deeply, who can be known and made himself known in Jesus Christ, and who would love you to say Hello and help you get through the day.
God Bless
*The HH, LP and myself are all fine and, as far as we know, in good health. I don't feel that it's appropriate for me to share the details of this situation here, at least not yet, I know you understand - we choose to blog, not our families and sometimes that boundary needs to be respected.
**Amazing but I received a distinction, which I don't say to boast but because it was an encouragement to me that not only did I learn a HUGE amount through this course both academically and in terms of my own personal, spiritual growth but this learning is based on a "theology" and "exegesis (understanding of the Bible from it's original translation and applying it to our context today)" that makes sense. Who would have thought?!
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
Dogs go to heaven...?
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Just read an hysterical post over here. Go check it out, you won't regret it!
Sorry for not posting this week, we are having a hard time at the moment - will post more in a few days, but for now if you are a praying person I'd appreciate you sending one up for us: God knows.
If you are new here you may want to find out more about me or subscribe to posts via email or RSS.
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Just read an hysterical post over here. Go check it out, you won't regret it!
Sorry for not posting this week, we are having a hard time at the moment - will post more in a few days, but for now if you are a praying person I'd appreciate you sending one up for us: God knows.
Thursday, 28 May 2009
Personality Transplant, Anyone?
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Well Tuesdays was my SITS feature day, as you know. So now, after so many wonderful and kind people have visited my blog (and commented, YAY!) in addition to the already wonderful people who visit my blog I feel a teensy bit of pressure to write something really good!
I got nothing.
What I can share with you is a minor epiphany I had in the car this morning. Today was my last day at the Women's Biblestudy at our church where we have worked and worshipped for just over 4 years.
I was praying as I drove that God would help me get through the morning - you know, to finish well. I was praying that I would be gentle, patient, gentle, kind, gentle...you get the picture. Basically all the things I am not by nature...or personality. Then it was like a lightbulb moment, but I suspect it was actually more the gentle nudging of the Holy Spirit, who pointed out that it was more than a little ridiculous to ask for a personality transplant any time I need to work through a difficult situation or have a tough conversation (which is basically what I do). More than that, it was a bit like praying to win the lottery and not buying ticket (NOT that I am advocating that...back to the point).
It then occurred to me that it would be far more useful to pray for God to use me as he made me, in just a more Godly fashion that I may, of my own volition, offer. See, I am a loud, brick through the (front!) window blunt, assertive (read confrontational), did I mention loud(?) person by nature! Praying for gentleness is not that useful.
So instead I asked God to help me be careful, thoughtful and gracious in my words and actions.
Careful, thoughtful and gracious. I get the feeling that's something God can work with.
(sorry about any typos or grammatical errors, girl is crying - gotta run!)
If you are new here you may want to find out more about me or subscribe to posts via email or RSS.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well Tuesdays was my SITS feature day, as you know. So now, after so many wonderful and kind people have visited my blog (and commented, YAY!) in addition to the already wonderful people who visit my blog I feel a teensy bit of pressure to write something really good!
I got nothing.
What I can share with you is a minor epiphany I had in the car this morning. Today was my last day at the Women's Biblestudy at our church where we have worked and worshipped for just over 4 years.
I was praying as I drove that God would help me get through the morning - you know, to finish well. I was praying that I would be gentle, patient, gentle, kind, gentle...you get the picture. Basically all the things I am not by nature...or personality. Then it was like a lightbulb moment, but I suspect it was actually more the gentle nudging of the Holy Spirit, who pointed out that it was more than a little ridiculous to ask for a personality transplant any time I need to work through a difficult situation or have a tough conversation (which is basically what I do). More than that, it was a bit like praying to win the lottery and not buying ticket (NOT that I am advocating that...back to the point).
It then occurred to me that it would be far more useful to pray for God to use me as he made me, in just a more Godly fashion that I may, of my own volition, offer. See, I am a loud, brick through the (front!) window blunt, assertive (read confrontational), did I mention loud(?) person by nature! Praying for gentleness is not that useful.
So instead I asked God to help me be careful, thoughtful and gracious in my words and actions.
Careful, thoughtful and gracious. I get the feeling that's something God can work with.
(sorry about any typos or grammatical errors, girl is crying - gotta run!)
Stunned Silence
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WOW! Thank you so much to all you kind bloggers who visited my blog the last couple of days. I am serious stunned! You see this happen on other blogs...but mine? WOW!
Thank you.
I'd love to have something else to say but you've left me speechless...enjoy the quiet, I'll be back!!!
If you are new here you may want to find out more about me or subscribe to posts via email or RSS.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WOW! Thank you so much to all you kind bloggers who visited my blog the last couple of days. I am serious stunned! You see this happen on other blogs...but mine? WOW!
Thank you.
I'd love to have something else to say but you've left me speechless...enjoy the quiet, I'll be back!!!
Tuesday, 26 May 2009
A special hello to the SITS girls (and guys) with my first vlog!
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If you are new here you may want to find out more about me or subscribe to posts via email or RSS.
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If you are new here you may want to find out more about me or subscribe to posts via email or RSS.
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