What makes a friend?

I was reading a post the other day over at Ravings of a Mad Housewife about friendship. Then I got chatting to a friend about the same thing (see the blog world & the real world do connect!). In short we were thinking about friendship, friends and perhaps the lack of depth, constant connection & fun in our own *real* lives as opposed to that which we see on TV.

For example who watches Friends/Sex in the City or similar and thinks "Gee, that reminds me of my circle of friends and the way we hang out ALL THE TIME?" Mmm, if that's you then that is truly wonderful! I suspect however that you are in the minority. Most of us watch it and think "Gee I wish I had a circle of friends like that." or "What happened to that circle of friends I used to spend so much time with (probably at uni)...oh yeah, marriage, work, kids happened".

I have some amazing friends. Unfortunately most of them live in other states (doh!) and those that do live in Melbourne...well, it's so easy for life and other things (sometimes important, sometimes not) to get in the way of getting together regularly.

Now that I am at home full time, I am sometimes tempted to wish and pray for another full time mum friend who I instantly "click" with. It's so easy when that happens and so much fun too!!

As I think about it though, when I think of my longstanding friends, the ones I am closest too, I am surprised to realise that they are not people who I instantly 'clicked' with. They are people who I got to know through circumstance, life-defining moments and are relationships where both of us have really worked at building and sustaining the friendship. It's with these girls that I feel safe, and it's with them that I can be vulnerable and honest. They are like family.

In my life there have been occasions where I have met people and instantly "clicked" with them. We've become close and spent huge amounts of time together. Interestingly when I look back, while I wouldn't swap a minute of those friendships (they were a wonderful gift for the time the existed) they are not the lifetime friendships I thought they would be. The lifetime friendships have developed with people who I would never have expected to have that connection with! Yet the bond is strong and lasting and I am so thankful for those women (Miss Awesome. Mrs Delicious. Mrs Papadapadopolous to name a few).

It's not the girls I've instantly 'clicked' with that are like sisters to me today, it's the girls who I've worked at building a friendship with that are my Rachel, Monica's & yes, even Pheobe's!

As I meet new people and start new friendships in this season of life, I am tempted to seek out people I "click" with. It would just be great to meet someone with whom I could have an easy and deep relationship with quickly. However, I would be better off taking heed of my life experiences so far and building lasting friendships with people of integrity, sincerity, kindness and faith. I am thankful that there are plenty of people like that around me and I am really enjoying getting to know them (Caro!).

It's been really helpful to reflect on what really makes a friendship and I have been really encouraged to realise that a true and lasting friendship is one that builds over time as you go through life with one another. Whether that friendship starts with an instant "click" or whether it grows as you get to know one another it doesn't matter, it's what you choose to make of it.

What do you think? Am I on my own with this or does some of this ring true for you too?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you are new here you may want to find out more about me or subscribe to posts via email or Subscribe in a reader (RSS).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------